My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
