She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
