if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
