after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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