So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
