just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
