so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
