so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
