If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
pop tarts are not kleenex
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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