We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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