found the other keg... it's in the tree
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
