so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
