There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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