We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
