I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
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i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
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Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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