When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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