I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
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