sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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