last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
