WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
