And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
