Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
