Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
