Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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