Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize