my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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