those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
