Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
