apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
