rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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