I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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