Umm I'm too high to move.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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