wanna go halves on a baby?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
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