Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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