Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
