it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
