he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
