my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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