I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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