Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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