goodnight i made you a song goodbye
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
