Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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