Old men and throwing up are my life now.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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