So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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