so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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