Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
