If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
