they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
