Jerry, you need to find god
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
