Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
