I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Why are your pants in the freezer?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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