never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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