we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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