Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dignity is for republicans.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
