i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
if only i could text you this smell
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
