I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
