imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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