I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
