Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
