you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
