The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i now understand why vodka
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
