Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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