I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize