All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
