They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
