Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
