He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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