Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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