good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
