Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
