I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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